Dilbert - Dogbert for President 2

 

The 2012 President Election kicks off today with the Iowa Circus Caucus. While the Democratic Party candidate is pretty firmly established, the Republican Party has been entertaining the electorate with a vaudeville line-up of curious characters for months with a few independents chiming in for good measure. My favourite of all has to be one of my heroes for social insight and creative ideas, Scott Adams, who has indeed ‘declared’ his candidacy. If think if there was a ‘Failure Party’, then Adams’ declaration would be its manifesto…

  • “Today I’m declaring my candidacy for President of the United States. I’ll be running as an Independent…You might have some concern about the fact that I have no moral center, no relevant experience, a history of public pranks, and a penchant for flip-flopping. But watch now as I convert those problems into advantages…On the budget, I propose a plan to cut every Federal government expense by 10% and increase every Federal tax by 10%. I’d call that the default plan, meaning I prefer a better plan, but I wouldn’t expect anyone to come up with one. The advantage of this plan is that it’s bad for every American. That’s a little something I call ‘fair.’…As President, I would remain deeply committed to flip-flopping. If new information or better thinking changes my opinion, so be it. That’s how brains are supposed to work. I can also promise that I won’t try to remember the names of other world leaders, federal agencies, or even my own staff. Only an idiot believes a president can remember all of that stuff. I’ll commit one gaffe after another to keep the media busy with nonsense. I’ll appear to confuse China with Japan, suggest withdrawing troops from North Korea, and let slip some ethnic insults around live microphones. The public loves that stuff, and I would not disappoint…If you don’t like any of the ideas I just explained, tell me why. There’s a good chance I’ll flip-flop to your point of view.”

Public confession of glaring weaknesses, humble revision of perspective based on new evidence, pre-meditated failure of performance. He is a ‘Failure Party’ dream candidate. I guess it’s not just the Fool in Shakespeare who speaks the most wisdom. A ticket of Jon Stewart and Scott Adams would get my vote…

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