shattered dreams

 

  • “He was in the grip of something else—a profound and far more troubling meltdown that comes not in childhood but in midlife, when we perceive that our personal trajectory is no longer arcing reliably upward as it once did… This man was hurting, yet his problem wasn’t mine to solve. In fact, I needed to get out of his way so he could solve it.”

You can also choose not the play the game. Games people play…to resolve their personal, relationship, and emotional conflicts. Including the death of dreams.

Laura Munson recounts an odyssey of coping with her husband’s mid-life crisis in her article “The last word: He said he was leaving. She ignored him” (thanks Debbie). In it, she illustrates so many lessons shared here – embracing failure, concentrating on solving problems rather than ‘being right’ and of could grieving over the death of dreams.

  • “And I saw what had been missing: pride. He’d lost pride in himself. Maybe that’s what happens when our egos take a hit in midlife and we realize we’re not as young and golden anymore. When life’s knocked us around. And our childhood myths reveal themselves to be just that. The truth feels like the biggest sucker-punch of them all: It’s not a spouse, or land, or a job, or money that brings us happiness. Those achievements, those relationships, can enhance our happiness, yes, but happiness has to start from within. Relying on any other equation can be lethal. My husband had become lost in the myth. But he found his way out. We’ve since had the hard conversations. In fact, he encouraged me to write about our ordeal. To help other couples who arrive at this juncture in life. People who feel scared and stuck. Who believe their temporary feelings are permanent. Who see an easy out and think they can escape. My husband tried to strike a deal. Blame me for his pain. Unload his feelings of personal disgrace onto me. But I ducked. And I waited. And it worked.”

The Muhammad Ali rope-a-dope strategy to relationship conflict.

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