Gapingvoid - Its Complicated


As Lori and I celebrate our 28th Anniversary Day today, we get more and more people asking us the secret to our vibrant, ever evolving and constantly growing love affair. I would have to echo Chet and Hugh here…’it’s complicated’.

You can get very deep on the complexity of relationships. NBC Today looked at the economic benefits of betrothed partnership comes to the same conclusion: ‘Why married people tend to be wealthier: It’s complicated’. ’13 Things We Don’t Understand’ argues that the very biological roots to romance don’t really have any simple scientific explanation. And Chet Raymo elaborates in is post “Yet, Saturday Reprise” such complexity is just a subset of life itself…

  • “‘It’s all very complicated.’ It’s in the chapter [of Ursula Goodenough’s The Sacred Depths of Nature] on Sexuality, and we all know that sex is complicated. However, the same sentence might have been in any other chapter of the book — Origins of Life, say, or Awareness, or Emotions and Meaning, or Multicellularity and Death. It’s all very complicated, and the more we learn about it all, the more complicated it gets. And anyone who tells you otherwise is whistling up the wind.”

It’s a cliché to say that good relationships take “work” (and any claim otherwise is also ‘whistling up the wind’). But I wouldn’t classify as the type of work that is back-breaking, drudgery. Rather, it is more like working on a complicated puzzle, or building an elaborate creation, or crafting a complex work of art. The kind of work you can lose yourself in, and where time (28 years even) passes in an instant.

Perhaps that intransigent complexity is what keeps a marriage robust. No simple nostrums. No Cosmo checklists. Embracing the failure to fully understand it or control it lies at the heart of its magic.

One thing that is simple is that Lori is the inscrutable meaning and unfathomable inspiration in my life. Happy Anniversary!